it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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