idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want nice things and good sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
