Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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