His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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