Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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