I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
did i walk over a car last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
