I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
