These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize