I faked an abortion last night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
