I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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