Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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