but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
