Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
