I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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