I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
