Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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