After last night, I could never be a politician.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
