his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
