dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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