brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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