if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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