The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
