Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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