i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
