Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
