Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
