I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
