if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
