Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
