Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
