so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
