My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we should paint friendship bongs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
