Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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