She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
