hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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