just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
