then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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