She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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