She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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