Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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