The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
