You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
