turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
