i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
