we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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