Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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