Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
