OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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