She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
