Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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