Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
