Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
