I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
