I wish I could teleport
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
