I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
