so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
