Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
