i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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