I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
