Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
