lets start a swedish sibling band together
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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