We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
