I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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