I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
