This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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