Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
