She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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