So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
