this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need to sanitize my soul.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
